How to Have Productive Communication in Marriage

How to Have Productive Communication in Marriage


Okay, we are doing sacred families. The series is entitled Sacred Families. And this is lesson number three in that series, and the title of this lesson is Productive Communication. Well, so far we have set forth the idea that sacred families, the ones that are truly set apart for God’s service and glory begin with biblical marriages. We’ve said that many marriages have the one man and the one woman part, and they even have the long-term commitment part, but they’re having trouble with the in love for life part. In a sacred family, a biblical marriage consists of one man, one woman, for life. The point that we made about that is that, if we’re going to be together for life, we want to be in love for life. That’s what makes the marriage worthwhile. And I’ve suggested to you that among the many important practices in a marriage, none is more important and essential to cultivating and maintaining love for life than communication. If there’s no communication, there’s no love. If there’s poor communication, the love is not very strong. Interpersonal communication, intimate communication, in marriage is the currency of love. In other words, it’s how we transfer our love from ourselves to the other, it’s through communication of various sorts.
So in this session we’re going to examine and practice some ways to improve our communication skills within marriage. So, productive, I call it productive communication, we communicate – past the salt. Did the kids finish their homework? At what time is the soccer game on Saturday? That’s communication, but that’s not very productive communication. I mean, it gets the job done as to every day routine of life, keeping the family going, managing the household. Did you pay the bill? We need bread. Pick up some milk on the way from work. That’s communication, but it isn’t the type of communication that builds intimacy. It’s not the type of communication that feeds the love that we want to have for one another that lasts a lifetime. Now, I’ve told you that some people, they want love and they need love and they desire to give love, but they fail in this because they can’t seem to communicate it well. It’s not for lack of wanting. It’s not for lack of having the right desire and the right intention to communicate love. They just don’t know how to do that. They haven’t been taught. Not a lot of tools in the toolbox, in order to communicate effectively about loving one’s partner. And so, the answer for them is not, well, just start loving. They’re already trying to do that. Nor is the answer to love differently. I don’t think that people can change their basic personality in order to accomplish this. For example, the touchy-feely people, they can’t just change the way that they are. It isn’t a superficial thing, it’s who they are. The strong silent type, they’re strong and silent. That’s the way they are. They can’t change and become the touchy-feely types. There’s got to be another way to accomplish this business of productive communication. So the answer, I believe, is to find ways to communicate about loving each other so we will understand, and hopefully, better receive and give the love that we have to give and that we need for ourselves. Not only do I need to communicate my love for my partner, I also need her to communicate effectively her love to me. And so the way to do this is to make the communication that you do have more effective and more productive in the sense that you are consciously in the communication bridge between you. So get my point here. I’m not saying you have to change who you are. Because that’s very difficult. But you do have to improve the way that you communicate to your partner. The key to improving the love is to improve the communication about love to one another. There are ways to improve the communication between you and your spouse. And here I’m – this whole lesson – here is a couple of basic, three basic elements that will make the connection more efficiently and more effectively
at every level. Again, It’s not changing you, it’s changing the way you communicate more effectively. A couple of strategies to be able to do that. First of all, be totally honest. Be totally honest. Obviously, doing that may require some changes on your part, but it doesn’t necessarily change your personality type. All right. Paul tells us, “Speaking the truth in love.” Be totally honest, because for communication to be productive you need to be honest. Even if it’s risky at times.
And sometimes telling the truth can be risky. A lot of times we say what the other person wants to hear so that we can get what we want. That’s not productive communication. You’re the guy. You’re coming home. You’re tired. All you want is to just go straight to the couch and flop. Get you some iced tea and just – but what she wants to do, when you come home, is to tell you about some of the challenges that she’s had with the kids, that she happens to be a stay-at-home mom. If she’s a working mom, maybe some of the challenges she had at work. She needs to vent. So you’re coming home and she’s venting and you’re, in your mind, you’re saying, okay, well, I want to sit down and just flop, but I’m not going to get what I want until I listen to her for a while. And so, you politely go, oh, yeah, mm-hmm. Are you listening? Well, no. You’re giving her what you think she wants. She wants you to listen to her venting. You think, you’re going to give that to her, because if you give some of that to her, you’ll finally be left alone, so you can go flop on the couch.
Have you listened? Yes. Have you communicated? No. Words have been exchanged, you put on a good show that you’re actually listening, when you’re really not. You’re just marking time until you get what you want, right? There, that little scenario, that’s not honest communication. That interchange is not going to improve the relationship. Better you would have said – let’s say the guy in our little example, it would have been better if he would have said, I see that you’ve had a rough day. If you just give me, let me just go wash up. I just need to sit for a minute, catch my breath from my day, because I’ve had a hard day, and then let’s talk. You tell me about what will happen. I will really be able to give you my attention then. Hey, that’s honest. It’s risky. She might get mad. Oh sure, well, I really need you now. Maybe, but maybe she will be appreciative of, well, if I just hold back a little bit, give him a little room, I’m really going to get his attention. He’s really going to be listening. That communication, in a half hour from now or after supper, that will become productive communication that will have the power to draw these people closer together. Just giving the other person what they want,
not being honest, that works in the short term, because you get what you want, but it’s disastrous for a long-term relationship. Now, the best example of this is when we compare the hierarchy of needs that men and women say that they need from each other. This is a little survey that I’m going to share with you, shows what men and women acknowledged privately. They don’t say it openly, but privately, as their top five needs from their partner, but rarely acknowledge these things to each other for fear of ridicule or rejection. The hierarchy of needs according to a survey of what men and women said were their top five needs from their partners in marriage. Like, of course I need a car. But I need oxygen. You see what I’m saying? The top, if I were to say my top five needs, I couldn’t say a car. Because I need oxygen, I need water, food. So the survey said, the top five things that you need from your partner, like you need oxygen, like you need water to stay alive, but what are the things you need from your partner to keep the marriage alive, to keep the love alive? So we start with the women, what they said they needed from their husbands. Women’s needs. First, affection. Not necessarily sex, but affection. Displays of affection: romance, cuddling, holding, tender words, tender touches, not necessarily sexual in nature, but just a caress, a holding of the hand. Second on their list, they need attention. A little bit about what I was giving you in that example. She needs his attention and if he was honest, he would have said, I understand what you need, right away, you need my attention, but I can’t give that to you right away. But if you’re willing to wait, just a little bit, so I can wash up and take a break, then I can give you what you need. In the hierarchy, attention was very important. The sharing of thoughts, really listening with feedback. In other words, she’s telling him about the frustration she had at her job or with the kids and the way that he’s answering, the way that he is reacting tells her that he really understands what she has gone through, may even have a suggestion, or maybe, simply a word of encouragement. Well, it’ll get better tomorrow. How about Saturday, tomorrow, Saturday, how about I take the kids and we’ll go to the park together, give you a chance to get a bit of a break, a breather. Why don’t you call your sister and you gals go shopping. Paying attention. The most oft-repeated sentence of women frustrated with their husbands because, we’re talking in a marriage relationship, he doesn’t listen to me. He’s not paying attention. I’m talking for nothing. It’s as if I’m talking to the wall. Why do they say that? Why does that come back so often? Because attention, paying attention is very, very important, very high on the woman’s hierarchy of needs. Number three, trust. Her world, especially when there are children, is supported by him. In the household, even if there are two people working, not always, but sometimes the husband’s salary is greater, maybe he’s been working longer. Maybe she’s taken time off to have babies a year or two, anyways, she’s depending on him. She has to have confidence in him. She needs to know that she is a priority. I trust him, especially with stay-at-home moms, wives. They’re at home, they’re surrounded by the four walls, the kids, managing the home. It’s a lot of work. It’s just as tiring, but she doesn’t get out much. He’s out in the world. He’s meeting people. He’s meeting other women. He works with other women. She works with the children. He has interactions with all kinds of people. She has interaction with the children, her family, the people – the doctor, the guy at the store. She needs to trust him, the things he says, and the things he does, and the way he acts with her at home, when they’re out, have to convey to her that he is a person that can be trusted. Not just trusted not to cheat, but trusted with money, and trusted with their goods, trusted with their children. Number four, financial security. Financial security. Enough money to live on and provide for the family. Enough to give the children an advantage. In most homes, the wife really wants to provide for the children. I mean, I know it happens, some women, they want more money so they can buy nicer clothes or get a better car, but I think that’s the exception and not the rule. The rule is that mama wants the resources to be able to give the kids what they need. Not just food and clothing, but advantages. Little Mary seems to have a talent for music. Well, let’s get her some music lessons. Or maybe Johnny is interested in, I don’t know, art or he’s good at sports. We want to give our children advantages. And so, one of the needs in the hierarchy of needs was financial security. That the home is safe. It’s a safe place financially. And then number five, involvement. Remember the hierarchy, what she needs from him? She needs his involvement, getting involved in the home and in family matters. I know that a lot of families It’s like okay, especially if there’s a stay-at-home mom, the man is like, I’ll take care of the job, you take care of the home, the kids. And for the men in this situation, they think that that means they’re absolved of all the responsibilities of what goes on in the home. They work 9 to 5, 8 to 4, 8 to 8, whatever, and when they come home, their work is done. That doesn’t contribute to an in love for life marriage. Women want their husbands to be involved, not necessarily you got to do the dishes too, you got to do half the housework. We’re not talking about that. Mature adults can usually sort those type of things out. She wants him to be involved so that he understands what the needs are of his children. What her needs are. He understands that little Bobby has an issue with such-and-such, or he’s struggling in math, or that his daughter was bullied at school, or her heart is broken because her best friend moved to another town and she’s acting out. She needs him to understand what’s going on in the house, and not just to come home and say, okay, I’m off for the rest of the night. Hey, this is your job, serve me. That’s not what builds a strong marriage. That’s not what cultivates in love for life type of relationship. She wants him to provide leadership in the home, not dictatorship. Not, my way or the highway, that’s dictatorship. Leadership means she wants to know that he is looking ahead for the family. What are the goals of our family together? That he has ideas about what it is that he wants for his family, for her, and for the children, and for himself, they have goals. Whether they’re financial goals, educational goals, spiritual goals. She needs to know that he can be a leader in the home, especially in a Christian home. Alright, so those are the five. We could keep on going here, but the five hierarchy of needs, five top needs women said that they needed from their husbands. They need those things from their husbands, in order for them, the women, to be satisfied, to feel safe, to feel secure, to maintain that in love for life relationship. Alright, what do the men say? What are their top needs? Can anybody guess what the men said what their top need was? Yes, of course, sexual fulfillment.
Yes, it’s the number one need, because that’s the way God created men. All this business about oh, men, you know men, that’s all they think about, sex. What’s wrong with them? Well, there’s nothing wrong with them. God actually made them that way, just from a biological perspective. The natural production of seminal fluid in a man, that continues throughout his adulthood, causes the constant need for physical gratification. Imagine. He’s wired that way. It’s not that something went wrong, that he has sexual needs and that happens to be a very strong, probably the priority, physical need that he has. Women tend to interpret that as a negative thing, as a failing somehow. But it is actually the single greatest struggle that each man must deal with, in order to mature, emotionally, socially, and spiritually. So it has its positive side – man is desiring of his wife. It’s the thing that drives the creation of the family itself and having children, bringing joy and satisfaction. We’ll talk about sex, sex in marriage in future lessons, but suffice to say, it’s a good thing, not a bad thing. However, it can become a bad thing if men do not learn from an early age how to control that need, that urge. I used to tell my sons when they were very young, as they were growing into mature adolescents and young manhood, that was the green monster. You had to take care of that. You had to control that. It’s there. We acknowledged it. This is how men are, this is how they feel, and it can be the source of great joy in marriage. But it can also be the source of a lot of trouble in and out of marriage. Just take a look at the tabloids, the newspapers. How many men have ruined not only marriages, but ruined careers, ruined their lives, gone to jail. Why? Because they just couldn’t control the urge. They could not find a way to control themselves. They would just give in to every impulse. And, of course, we live in a world that is constantly stimulating that in men for marketing purposes, right? You have half-naked women selling ball bearings and wrenches. Marketers understand this basic thing about men and they use it to sell stuff to men. So, sexual fulfillment, number one. Number one need that men say. Number two, he needs his wife to be a playmate. He wants his wife to be his buddy, his friend. Come on. Let’s do this. It’s one of the fun things when you first are going out, you’re dating and guys will talk about the new girlfriend they have, and she’s awesome. Well, we went to the ball game, then we went here had pizza. Spontaneously, hey, are you up for this road trip? Yeah? Let’s go! They love that, we’re hanging, we’re hanging together, going to the beach. What did you do Saturday? Well, I worked on my car, my girlfriend came over, she was sitting on the bench and watching me and we were talking and she was handing me the tools. Playmates want to be together. She’s my buddy. He wants her to be his friend and she’s willing, right? Until those babies show up. When the baby shows up, whoops, sorry. I’m in the garage while you’re fixing the car, but all of a sudden you hear that sound, right? Oh, feeding. I got to feed the baby. Or I wish I could stay up with you, watch that movie, but I’ve been up three times last night feeding the baby, and it’s now quarter after nine at night, I’m ready to crash. So men lose their playmate, their buddy many times in families. And the smart woman will understand that particular need and hopefully try to satisfy that as much as she can, despite having the kids. I think the thing they misunderstand is they think that he wants her to be the playmate, the buddy, just while they’re dating and early in the marriage and then after that, when she’s being a mom, for some reason or other, his need for her to be his buddy disappears, but it doesn’t. It’s always there, and many times this is how adulterous relationships begin. He finds a new buddy at work or at the little league soccer games, he finds a new buddy. Number three, he wants and needs her to be attractive. A wife’s looks and demeanor either build up a man’s pride or bring it down. I know you girls are saying, man, these men are so shallow. Well, guess what? Remember this is what they admit to in private, not on phone surveys or face to face surveys. Men want to be proud of their wives. and I’ve seen women who handled this part pretty well. There’s all kinds of shapes and sizes, and women tall and short, and big and small, but I’ve seen some women who have had a disadvantage when it comes to body shape, let’s put it that way. They either struggle with, they’re too tall or they don’t like the fact that too short or weight issues or too skinny. In my in my experience, most women don’t like the way they are and I’d blame that on, again, marketing. The marketers present the ideal woman and everybody’s got to be like her. Well, obviously, not everybody is like her. But what I was saying is that I’ve seen some pretty smart women who know how to make the most of what they have, is perhaps what I’m trying to say. They make the most of what they have. They accentuate the positive things in their appearance to remain attractive to their husbands, pleasing to him, because it’s one of the things he says he needs from her. Imagine, needs. Not just, I would like for it to happen. Needs. Number four, domestic support. A quiet, clean, accepting home. Again, not fair. You got four kids running around, it’s pretty hard to have a clean, uncluttered home at four in the afternoon, right? He’s saying, that’s what he needs. He needs domestic support. The home as a shelter from the bombardment at work. He says that’s what he needs from her. He expects her to be the one to provide this for him. Again, does it sound fair?
Especially if she also has a job. But there’s the expectation from the man’s point of view that to provide quietness, to provide a home that’s orderly, to provide an environment, that the woman is the one that is able to create that environment. That should create that environment. Again, I’m not saying that’s the way it has to be. I’m saying this is the expectation. And then number five, admiration. He wants her to admire him. You’re so strong, such a big powerful, man. He wants her to admire him. I do it with my wife. How’d your day go? Wow did this, I finish this series, or we got so many hits on our website. Oh, good for you. You’re such a big, strong preacher. Men need admiration from their wives. And, again, I’m just saying, a lot of affairs start this way. All of a sudden somebody else starts to admire him. And it goes from there. What the survey showed were things that we probably already knew from experience and casual observations. First, that men are generally immature, right? They’re more self-centered. They want attention. They want gratification, and they’re not always willing to give in exchange for these things. Men, they need a little coaching. They need coaching in relationship building. They need coaching in order to build that in love for life type of relationship. Because all the things they mentioned, right? Sexual gratification, a playmate, attention, all those things that they mentioned, admiration, all things I want. Me, me, me. And then we learned some things about women, also, That women are conflicted. Just from the hierarchy we see that women are more high-minded, and they’re usually willing to invest more, in order to make a marriage work. I’ve seen that in counseling. Most of the times in a counseling situation, it’s the woman that will come in first and eventually drag that old boy in. Eventually, when it starts to hurt enough, you’ll come along, but usually the woman is the one that has more investment in the marriage, willing to make more concessions. However, they tend to ask for conflicting things. For example, they want security and advantage for their children, which places a greater burden on the husband, if he’s the primary wage earner. I want more things. I want lessons for the kids. I want them to go on the high school band trip, and we’re going to have to come up with an extra four hundred dollars for those things. But at the same time, they want him to
be at home more. They want him to be more involved in the family business or the affairs of the family, which requires time. Time that may be needed at work, in order to produce those extra dollars for those advantages for the kids. So sometimes women need to understand that they can’t have it both ways. So in all of these things, in order to have productive communication, we need to be honest. All of this hierarchy of needs was to show that when men and women are really honest, they acknowledge the things that they really need to their partners. Shouldn’t do it to the people who are taking the survey. They should do it to their partners. They should find a way to communicate, these are my needs, I need this. Another strategy, in order to have – remember what we’re talking about, productive communication, not just any old communication, but communication that accomplishes something. So we have to be honest. Number two,
we have to be clear. For communication to be productive, it also needs to be understandable, it needs to be clear. More arguments and divisions and hurt feelings come from communication that is simply unclear from the intended results. How many times have you had a dispute with someone, let’s just say, and you’re not talking to each other, and this goes on for several weeks. And then finally you make an effort to to get back together, to iron things out, if you wish, and you start saying, well, that time when you said that you were going out and with John to go bowling and you didn’t invite me and – whoa, wait a minute. I never said that. I didn’t say we were going bowling. John was going bowling, but I couldn’t go and I assumed if I wasn’t going, you weren’t going. Oh. I thought that you and John were going bowling, but you weren’t inviting me. No, no, no. What happened was John was going bowling and I couldn’t go and I didn’t think you would want to go if I wasn’t going. Oh. See what I’m saying? Miscommunication causes more division and trouble because it’s not clear or it got muddled along the way, and we assumed, naturally, we assumed the worst. So those who speak, need to make sure that the hearer has indeed understood what has been said and the meaning of it. I mean, if we can go wrong just talking about going to play bowling, could you imagine how many ways we can go wrong in communication between a husband and wife and the important things that they’re talking about. And hearers need to reassure the speaker that they have truly been understood. I hear you. I’ve got it. I understand. There are strategies for this. So if I understand correctly, you’re saying to me that – and then you give some feedback. That’s how you make sure that the communication is clear. Our words and our actions need to convey what we actually mean. If what you’re doing means, I’m truly sorry and not just I’m tired of arguing. Because if you say to the person – something’s happening, you need to apologize, and your apology is, okay, okay, I apologize, forget it, it’s all my fault. Let’s move on. Is that an apology? You communicated the apology. I mean, you said the words, I apologize.
You’ve said the words. But have you actually communicated an apology? Yeah, I’m sorry. It’s good, it’s fine. Let’s – can we just stop talking? That’s not an apology. That’s, shut up. Let’s be quiet. Don’t wonder why the other person goes on and on. They’re not satisfied with the communication, because you’ve communicated the wrong thing. So you need to make sure that the other person actually receives the message that you’re trying to send them. This is basic, communication 101 stuff. So practice good feedback methods in your interpersonal relationships, especially with your spouse. Say and do what you will, but always make sure through feedback that the other person is understanding your words and your intentions. When you’re saying yeah, yeah, fine, I’m sorry, good. It’s all my fault. Let’s move on. You’re not saying I’m sorry. Your intention is simply to shut the other person up. If you intend truly to apologize, then make sure that the words and the intention match. All right, I’ve heard what you said, you told me that when we were discussing this, it seemed that my attitude was I didn’t care and this hurt your feelings. Well, I’m sorry the last thing I wanted to do was to actually hurt your feelings. Let’s go through this again, so we can understand, okay? There’s an apology. There’s something constructive that the two of you can work on. A productive communication doesn’t insist that you agree on everything. It isn’t productive communication – I mean, the goal of productive communication is not that you agree on every issue. The goal of productive communication is that you understand clearly what the other person is saying, whether you agree or not. Because if you understand what they’re saying, you have a much better chance at agreeing or at least agreeing to disagree without creating a division. So, productive communication requires honesty, it requires clarity, it also requires completeness.
You must tell the truth and express it clearly and tell all of it, a little bit like when you’re under oath. I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. All the truth. Now, some people don’t agree on this point. They say, now, you’ve got to keep some secrets. You’ve got to keep part of yourself private. Remember, I’m always talking in the context of a marriage. But when one area in your life is taboo or one of the partners declares a problem or a discussion off limits, you know, don’t go there. Somebody’s says, don’t talk to them about that, we can’t discuss that. This type of thing breeds frustration and resentment and a gradual closing down of the communication network between people. If one person makes it known that you cannot go there, you cannot talk about this, you will not talk about this, something that really has something to do with your relationship, well then, the other person might be thinking, what other areas are off limits, that we can’t talk about, that we cannot discuss? And then the next thought will be, well, maybe I should have some areas that are off-limits. If you’ve got some off-limits, I’ve got some off-limits. If you’ve got a lock box where you keep your secrets, well, maybe I ought to get myself a lock box and start keeping some of my secrets. I’ll tell you right now, nothing kills love more than secrecy, because love cannot
grow in the shadows. If you want to breed mistrust in your relationship, start keeping secrets. Start telling your partner, yeah, I’m not talking about that. I am deciding for the two of us that this here, we’re not going to talk about. Well, that kills a relationship. Because in marriage you’re supposed to be one, right? There’s no holding back. I mean, you’ve experienced the closest intimacy that two individuals can actually share, which is sexual intimacy. Holding back in one area creates a restraint in the other areas. The thing that gives sexual intimacy its power is the idea of the individuals giving all of themselves into that moment and into that relationship. So when you start holding back somewhere else, guess where else is going to have some stuff held back, right? Absolutely. Why should I give all of myself when he’s holding this or when she’s keeping that. And there is no greater joy or protection than a loving partner with whom we can share all of our hearts. I remember when Lise and I were going out together, engaged, and married, in early marriage, how you talk a lot because you don’t know everything about each other. And I remember I just told her everything,
all the bad junk. All the bad junk, because I didn’t want
anybody else to ever hold anything over her, about me, that she didn’t know. You couldn’t blackmail me. You can’t blackmail me, because she knows it all. That idea. And vice versa. There’s no secret place. There’s no unturned rock. I’ve worked in a lot of different churches and had a lot of offices and different secretaries and administrative assistants and in my work, and I’ve always told them, when I’m not at the office, and if I need – if I call you and I need you to go into my office and look in the drawer, because I forgot a piece of paper, a piece of whatever it is, don’t be afraid. Don’t be embarrassed. You will not find – you won’t find a bottle of whiskey hidden underneath the thing or pornography. No, it’s all open. It’s all paper clips. Don’t worry about it. When there are no secrets, nothing to hide, it’s liberating. You can be free with one another. And your relationship is protected against others who might try to harm it. So in closing, in this particular lesson today, I’d like to remind you that as Christians we rarely have an opportunity to make a dynamic or public witness for our faith. Let’s face it, few of us especially here in North America, are executed for our faith. Who, in this class, anybody know any martyrs in your family, who have been members of the church in the United States? Few write famous books or become public figures. We’re all pretty ordinary and leading ordinary lives. Most of us, we live ordinary lives and it is with these ordinary lives that we make our statement of faith to other people. Faithful, christ-centered and loving marriages are the single greatest witness that we will probably ever make for the Lord before this unbelieving world. Because if you’re at work, they may not pay attention too much to if you read your Bible during lunch time, and have some casual discussion about religion and they know that you don’t smoke, you don’t go out to take a smoke break, and you don’t go with the boys to the bar. They might not know that about you, but the thing that’ll really impress them is the kind of marriage that you have, because they can really relate to that. They can really compare what they have
to what you have. You can give a tremendous witness based on the marriage that you have and to be in love for life is a true and powerful service to God. It reveals His glory to those who see it and are blessed by its warm glow. I mean, it’s the brightest star in the crown of a sacred family. Aren’t we all impressed when we see a couple in their 80s, in their late 80s, even 90s, if God has blessed them with that long a life. And they’re walking in the park or down the street. And you see them holding hands and they’re arm in arm and even showing affection. Don’t you go, oh! Doesn’t everybody say, I want to grow old like them. We never say, oh that’s disgusting. I never want that for myself. I’d rather be devoting. Nobody says that. We all say, wow, how beautiful. They’re old and probably the sexual intimacy part of their relationship has probably died out because of old age, and yet look, they’re still in love and they’re still affectionate, and they’re still wanting to be close. Most people that I have served, in doing a funeral for their loved one, especially in one of those situations where they’ve been married 40, 50, 60 years, and you ask them to talk about their partner and they say, it would have been okay to have her one more day, or one more year. They’re never in a hurry to lose their partner, when you’re in love for life, this is how you feel. So, loving marriages, bright star in the crown of the sacred family. Honest, clear, and complete communication will serve to first ignite and then maintain, excuse me, that married love for a lifetime. Remember, I said communication, it’s the currency of love. It’s how we trade. It’s how we give and receive love. It’s so important. So with that in mind, I’m giving you a little assignment. You have your worksheets that you can take notes with while we’re doing the lesson, but I have, for this lesson, I’ve included an additional sheet, and it’s a productive worksheet. I want you to just go home and do this sheet by yourselves. Fill it out by yourself. Don’t do it with your spouse. Do it by yourself and then when you have a moment, when the kids are in bed, and you turn your cellphone off so that you have at least an hour where you can talk, then share the answers. Compare your answers on that productive worksheet, and I guarantee you, it will spark the conversation. It’ll start the conversation going and hopefully add to the value of your existing relationship. Okay, that’s it for this time. I appreciate your attention and we’ll see you next week with another lesson on the sacred family.

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