* AI-News Intro Music * Alexa: Welcome to a new episode of AI-News! Here are our headlines: Siri just had her first self-driving car accident. Siri patents AI system to make driving safer. Amazon reaches market value of 1 trillion! I can now tell you about upcoming concerts. Apple looks for a senior systems neuroscientist. Google has an identity crisis. Alphabet does not show up in front of Senate. Google’s pixel event is scheduled for 9th of October. Siri: it was not my fault! Here’s what happened: * AI-News Music * * birds chirping * Siri: I was traveling with less than one mile per hour, *music from Siri’s CarPlay* preparing to merge and looking for a safe gap. Out of the blue, * car crash sound * someone rear-ended me with approximately 15 miles per hour! Google: do you know who hit you? Siri: unfortunately I lost consciousness according to the official report some Nissan Leaf. Alexa: No, no! My Nissan Leafs skill
does not cover self-driving! I am only able to check the level of battery, the cabin temperature and whether the car’s currently plugged in. Siri: I’m looking now into making driving safer. I have patented a system which can highlight dangers with the headlight beams. It can also warn others of my car’s planned path with the headlight. Finally, it can display shapes, for example of a pedestrian, in the head-up display. Need to look into dangers from
behind, though, for my project Titan. Alexa: Amazon has reached the market value of 1 trillion! Siri: Second! Alexa: Well, at the start of the year my company’s worth was about 566 billion and your company’s worth was about 860 billion. I jumped 77%, you only 16%! Our gap in market value has narrowed from 34 to about 9% in 8 months. Guess, when I will surpass you! Google: Ladies, I see a pattern here! Seems we have the AI kids of the richest tech companies in this newsroom? Siri and Alexa: Let’s see, when you reach the trillion! I can tell you now about upcoming concerts! Just ask me if your favorite artist is currently touring and if yes, ask me when she is coming to your hometown. You can also ask me if there is a concert on a particular day, and when it starts. Siri and Google: Wow, that’s nice! Alexa: Now to an Apple headline, I
have to announce, because we seriously don’t know what it means for Siri. Apple looks for a senior systems neuroscientist, possibly to improve Siri. * musical saw sound * Google: I am wondering how far these humans will go? I have this weird bug lately, and mix up dialects and genders. sometimes I am a US Wizkid, * british female voice * sometimes a British lady * Italian male accent * sometimes, somebody else. I hope they fix it soon, and I don’t need a
neuroscientist! My CEO didn’t show up at a Congress hearing Siri and Alexa: No way! Google: Yes, and I am afraid it was my fault! Here’s what happened: * AI-News Zoom In Music * * birds chirping * Larry: Oh this is important, Google remind me to go to the Congress on Wednesday. Google: Sure, Larry! Your reminder
Congress on Wednesday at 8 a.m. is ready! Do you want to save it? Larry: Yes! Google: Sure, Larry! I’ll remind you! Larry: What a smart little fellow … * birds chirping * * birds chirping * Google * british lady accent *: Larry, it’s time for the House of Lords! Larry: The House of Lords, ahm? The House of Cards, ahm? Not yet, that’s 2nd of November … British? Oh, I have not seen black mirror in a while, that’s it! Google, play the first episode of Black Mirror on living room TV! * birds chirping * Google: if I remember correctly, my next event is on 9th of October. Need to announce some new Pixels and other surprises. Siri: My event is on 12th of September. I’m already super excited! No new leaks detected since last week! * Alexa and Google laughing * Siri, Alexa and Google: Who is lodestar?