Adam Sandler’s “I Was Fired” Monologue – SNL


LADIES AND GENTLEMEN —
ADAM SANDLER. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>THANK YOU, VERY MUCH.
I APPRECIATE IT. THANK YOU, GUYS.
I LOVE YOU. I REALLY APPRECIATE THAT.
THANKS SO MUCH. I CAN’T BELIEVE IT.
I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M BACK AT “SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE”
AFTER ALL THIS TIME. IT’S BEEN A TREMENDOUS WEEK.
I LOVED SEEING ALL OF MY OLD FRIENDS HERE, MAKING LOTS OF NEW
FRIENDS WITH THE WRITERS AND THE CAST HERE.
IT’S GREAT TO BE AROUND THEIR YOUTHFUL ENERGY.
WHEN I FIRST GOT HERE TO THE SHOW, I WAS 23 YEARS OLD, AND
DAVID SPADE AND ROB SCHNEIDER WERE
25 YEARS OLD, AND NORM McDONALD WAS I THINK, 60 YEARS OLD.
I DON’T KNOW. I NEVER ASKED HIM.
I DON’T THINK HE KNOWS. BUT I HAD SOME OF THE BEST YEARS
OF MY LIFE HERE. AND I ACTUALLY LOST MY VIRGINITY
TO A WOMAN HERE IN THIS VERY STUDIO.
THANK YOU. I DON’T
KISS AND TELL, BUT IT WAS THE CHURCH LADY, SHE SAID I WAS
SPECIAL. MY WIFE AND KIDS ARE HERE
TONIGHT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
I ALWAYS TELL THOSE GUYS THAT WHEN I WAS ON “SNL,” IT WAS LIKE
THE GREATEST TIME IN MY LIFE AND MY DAUGHTER ASKED ME, “IF IT WAS
THE GREATEST, DAD, WHY DID YOU EVER LEAVE?”
WELL, HONEY, THERE’S A REASON. I WAS FIRED
I WAS FIRED I GOT FIRED BY SNL
BETWEEN SEASONS THE SACK
I TRIED TO CALL>>I’M JOKING, I’M JOKING. HE CALLED, HE CALLED. ENOUGH OF CRAZY SPOON HEAD
AND THE SONGS I SICK OF CANTEEN BOY
BUT I THINK THEY NOT REHIRED WELL, IT MADE ME SAD I GOT FIRED AND HE SAID SAME MAN>>CHRIS ROCK.
CHRIS ROCK IS HERE. HEY, BUDDY.
I LOVE YOU.>>HOW’S IT GOING?
>>WE WORKED ON THIS SHOW TOGETHER, RIGHT?
>>YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. WE GOT HIRED THE SAME DAY.
>>THAT’S RIGHT. WE WERE IN THE SAME CAST.
>>YEAH.>>WHY DID YOU LEAVE THE SHOW?
I DON’T UNDERSTAND.>>WHY DID I LEAVE THE SHOW?
WELL, ADAM — ON>>THAT’S RIGHT, I REMEMBER. YOU KEEP GOING AFTER YOUR DREAM.
HEY, HOW YOU DOING, PAL?>>HEY, HEY, HEY.
YOU WEREN’T FIRED.>>I WASN’T?
HOW’S THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?>>I DON’T KNOW, MAN.
YOU JUST BE PATIENT ‘CAUSE IT’S COMING SOON.
I LOVE YOU. [ APPLAUSE ] HEART TO PIECES ‘CAUSE “SNL” WAS MY SILLY VOICES NOW I NEVER FELT SO ALONE NBC SAID THAT I WAS DONE AT THE BOX OFFICE SO I GUESS YOU COULD [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] BUT TONIGHT I’M REHIRED ‘CAUSE IT FEELS SO GOOD TO BE HERE TONIGHT FOR ME
RIGHT HERE ON>>WE GOT A GREAT SHOW.
SHAWN MENDES IS HERE. STICK AROUND.
WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *